why this

LO<3E CoNFuSIOn

2009-09-20T08:52:00.000-07:00

im in love with someone recently but i'm afraid that this breaks the relationship now as friends.
i'm afraid to loose that some one important in my life and as a friend. what if i just admit it, will it effect what ever we are in now? will it seperate us?
1 day without you sms-ing to me I feel there is something missing on that day...
i can't never talk to u you, not even for 1 day...don't ask me why cause i don't really have that answer.
some how now i want to tell you but when i face you, the words can never come out, it's stuck in my heart and it somehow hurts inside there somewhere somehow, i don't actually know what's going on with me nowadays, it's damn freaking complicated. i'm afraid you'l reject me if i tell you the truth about my feelings about you from the beggining when we 1st get along together well and until now...will you feel the same or you'll reject me and break my heart into a million pieces? but my heart has been broken before, if you break it another time it will take another person to fix it back for me cause i cant fix it back myself.
i don't know why i will fall in love again.
didn't expect this would happen again it's like history repeating itself...
maybe this time i can't take my pain in my heart anymore might leads me into another depression and will soon leads to a suicide...
what should i do with my complicated feelings bout you?

FALLing in love again???

2009-08-31T09:27:00.000-07:00

omg...
i think im in love again...
shit...
im in love with one of my pet siblings...
this is a bad thing to do I know it..
what should I do???
should I just avoid meeting with em??
should i just forget about that relationship or should i just admit it to em that im in love with em...
man i cant understand my own heart what kind of person i am...
this sux till the max..
can anyone help me?
i wonder who?

Haiz!!!!sigh

2009-04-14T04:30:00.000-07:00

now I don't know wether to be happy or sad.
1st, the sad part is im going away from subang(shifting to KL)
2nd, the happy part is my dad is going to buy me a motorbike(hopefully it will come through IF my mom doesn't get into the way)which i've been looking forward since when I was lil...(love motorbikes alot until now).
then next i'm going to shift some where near my college fren's house which I don't quite like it cause i don't actually like people to know where i stay(secretive).
but then, it is nearer to my college which i can sleep late and wake up a lil late compare to now...
haiz...
sad?happy?
don't know what to feel right now...
but all i can say is im in a stressful situation(studying for finals).

BaD Day Bad Tim3 Bad Mo0d

2009-01-15T06:13:00.000-08:00

Big Big *SIGH*....
this few months sucks...
it all started month of december...
my dad hand me over his car because he went to china{dunno for what purpose}
so well i thought everything is going to be all right but i was wrong{big time}
accident in new years day...
just right after countdown...it was packed...it sucked{alot}
well it was already 1 somrthing in the morning im not going to hang around long just to wait for the traffic to be lessened{i was tired,sleepy and some how i really really wanted to take a bath,well it was packed of people n im sweaty why not}
then when i force my way out then out of sudden i felt the bang it was a big impact
i panic,i was thinking oh~shit im caught big time but my friend told me to run since that,that guy parked at the none parking side i was thinking if i full turned n reverse my car i will knock the car on my right{well i was kind sandwich that time} if i don i will knock the devider...then fine i just reverse then the accident happened...my friend keep on telling me just drive off...
well...i cant...the Mi Vi was infront if i move front i will knock em so the Mi Vi driver turned into my car park space{lucky he understands my situation}
then i just speed off with the dented bumper...{sheez...it sucked,new years}
fine, after a few day later, the tyre gave problem...{flat tyre,wow, 'i am so lucky'}
then after that when my college reopened i drove to college cause Lrt ppl sucks...{well some of them}
then after my class i saw the car was sprayed with black paint{the car was white}
i seriously can not take this anymore...
i'm at the edge of falling down...enough of trouble for once and now is only january...
how many more troubles i got to face?
i hate this guy who sprayed my car...
i want to haunt this guy down,dont care wether he's my friend or family i just want to kill him or make him suffer{anywhere he goes,anytime,anyday}if he has a family it will be more fun more easier to make this guy suffer...
i want him dead...
he caught me at the wrong time
i want a camera to catch this mother fucker

why life is like this???

2008-11-09T02:52:00.000-08:00

why life is so buzy?
why life could be so hard?
why life can be so board?
why life can be so soft?
why life can vanish the next day?
why,why,why???
its all questions in life...
the problem is there are too many why's in life which i nor you or anyone else can solve...
this is one thing i hate the most is i can't solve my problem no metter how hard, how much or how i tried to solve it...
it can appear right infront of me just in a blink of an eye...
so many problems and yet nothing is solved YET...
maybe the answers are right infront of me but yet i did not know it or just did not notice it...
ita just too many too much of problems in my life..
maybe thats the reasons of me being such a flop or failure in my life...
this will haunt me down till i die...
thats the problems in my life

StreSSed

2008-06-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

Ive nvr felt so tired and miserable before its just the reopening of college all my scheduel are so tight aspecially my stupid assignments

its filling up my head

i just cant stand it

its like its gonna burst out of my head anytime anywhere
i cant even take a rest
everyday is so tiring i just feel like giving up ive got many problems but i just do not want to burden anyone with mine although i am desperate for getting it all out from my life but its just like pilling up like blocks of buildings
i do not know how long i can tolerate this feeling of mine its just suffering if i just face it on my own i just want to get everything out from my mind i want my mind to just take a rest take it all out or just forget it for a while
i just want my happy childhood to repeat itself again i just want to be happy again like ive been before its just too much problems
everyone just giving me more and more problems each day i cant handle it all in one go its just too stessfull i just want my life to be happy again
no love feelings towards anyone
no hatred towards anyone
no vangence
no stress
no pain
i just want my life to be normal once again

HATRED in Me

2008-06-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

untitled Current mood: angry Category: Life
i hate myself 4 not carin
i hate myself 4 not be a loving person
i hate myself 4 not being der wen dat person needed me de most
i hate myself 4 being such a looser
i cant stand it everything i do is wrong
everything like threating her like a looser...
i'll nvr ever getting her back ever again...
SO HEART BROKEN....
I HATE MYSELF 4 WAT I AM...

EmpTy

2008-02-25T22:48:00.000-08:00

I wanted to tell you something but when ever I see you I forget my words
in other words you r some one dat is too special
when ever I see you my brain is empty leaving only your face in my head
now.....
Im empty.....
because you are no more in my life anymore
you had left me for your own good
now......
I tried to write something bout you but Im so EMPTY
there is something left out
there is something that i've left out which I'm not so sure whats that
but all I know for now is
Im empty

2008-01-07T00:08:00.000-08:00

my heart still misses som1 dat i love so much last time and now i still love "dat person" alot....
no metter wat happens my heart will stil b missing dat person coz of my blind love feelings 2wards "dat person"
i dunno wats wit me
u can call me stupid,nut case,crazy,out of my mind,fucking bloody no brains human,etc
i will always love dat person
its been a few years since i started loving "dat person"
but all i kno my wish can nvr come tru....
ive tried 2 impress "em" but it seemed dat has no effect 2 "em"
its been a let down
but all i kno i still love "em" no metter wat will hapen 2 me
if i die...
i'll die loving "em"
love is blind n strong
and
it shall nvr b stopped 1ce u love a special som1

Lov3 Life sux

2007-08-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

everytime i c her i feel very depressed
everytime i c her i feel very nervous
everytime i c her i feel scared
everytime i c her my heart will stop a few seconds
everytime i c her i feel left out
n everytime i c her i feel like saying I LOVE U..
but i dunno y i cant express it out
i just cant let it out frm my heart
its just kept it lock der
i cant imagine it if she cannot accept it
im willing 2 kill myself..
its all in my head..
i just get it out
I lOVE HER VERY MUCH..
cant stop it
cant 4get it
its all in my head
its so painful

why

2007-08-25T05:42:00.000-07:00

why is der always a person 2 make u feel down wenever u r happy ??
why is der sadness in life...
why r der noobs ppl 2 make ur whole day like a living hell
i just do not get wads life all about...
why is der always a blockage wen ever v r almost half way 2 our destination
i just cant understand wats life all about...
is it trying 2 tell me smtg??
is it trying 2 make me feel bad??
is it normally like dat??
is it trying 2 lead me 2 somwer??
man....i just cant figyre it out...
WATS LIFE ALL ABOUT MAN....
ITS SOME HOW LIKE A SHIT FEELING...
DONT UNDERSTAND IT AT ALL....
ITS SO HARD...